The 13 Year Cicadas AKA My Nightmare

You guys. Something seriously uncool is happening down here in Tennessee. Well, two things really – have you heard about that ridiculous Don’t Say Gay bill that is making its way towards becoming an actual law? But that’s not what this post is about. No. This post is about the “13-year cicadas”.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am pretty danged afraid of bugs. That is a FACT. I loath all bugs. Some I can tolerate better than others, but really, I hate them all. Pretty high on my hate list? The cicada.

Pictured: The curent face of evil.

This weekend I was up in Iowa for a wedding and we got back super early this morning. Before we left, the cicadas weren’t thaaaaat bad. I mean, yes, I could hear them and I saw all their disgusting dead bodies squashed all over the sidewalk, but it wasn’t super terrible or anything. Then, this morning when we turned off our car, we found out what the swarm sounded like. But it got worse. I walked home this afternoon and I think my eardrums almost burst. I’m not kidding! It was so freaking loud! And I also had to run because I started having a panic attack. Why? Because there were cicadas EVERYWHERE. They were buzzing around on the ground, they were flying around in the air, they were on all of the walls. I’ll give you some perspective. First. Here is a video from someone who lives in Green Hills, the neighborhood down the street from me (it’s where the super nice mall is and also the closest library to me).

That was posted on May 11, about 3 days after the cicadas first emerged. It’s so much worse now. In addition to all those jerks sitting on the ground, there are just as many flying around in the air and sitting on crap all around. Again, I will say it: THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!

Want to hear what they sound like? Here’s this: WARNING: you may want to turn down your volume, I’m not lying – it hurts your ears!

I took my own video with PhotoBooth but then it wouldn’t show it due to errors so I went and found this lady’s video. I’m not sure where she lives, but that is honestly what it sounds like on my walk home. Seriously, these things need to just go the heck away. I can’t wait until they’re all dead and I don’t have to run to and from work. I know that they won’t hurt me, but does anybody really enjoy having a huge ass bug flying into their hair? And they’re just so loud! I noticed that around the streets they’re louder. Anytime a car or truck would zoom by the cicadas would get louder, as if they were competing with the other noise. It seriously hurt my ears.

Well, wish me luck on surviving this nightmare down here. I honestly cannot figure out how I’m going to function normally down here until they’re gone.

Hearts!

Lindsay

Stream of Consciousness Genius or Reason I Need to Move

This guy was actually running for governor.  Or at least he was running to be the Republican candidate for the coming election.  I am dead serious here.  Some of you may recognize him from Jimmy Kimmel or The Colbert Report.  Keep in mind that I got to watch him first on my local news station (Channel 4!).

At first I laughed and then I was a bit horrified at the fact that he actually got 3,505 votes.  Yes, more than 3 people (himself, his wife and his son) voted for him.  3,502 in fact.  Seriously Tennessee?  Was it all those hipster voters who thought it would be funny to vote for him?  Was it people who seriously wanted to see other people get fined when they were found to NOT be carrying a gun?  Or possibly a bunch of criminals voted for him so that they’d be granted immunity for their crimes (because that could SO happen).

But then I realized that this man is the next Kafka (no not Mike – I highly doubt Basil could get into Northwestern OR the NFL).  Franz Kafka.  Yes, I believe Basil Marceaux is giving us a brilliant example of stream of consciousness.  I don’t think anyone could say that this man is going off a script.  I think Basil’s next step should be to write a book.  No editing, just his awesome stream of consciousness that made him an internet sensation.  I seriously think that that book would sell.  Hell, I’d buy it (or at least sit in the aisle at Borders and read it).

<3, lindsay

Oh Nashville, You Never Cease To Surprise Me

So on Wednesday night as I was laying in bed, I became concerned because I thought someone was being shot near my home.  I mean, I do live in Nashville after all – the crime rate here is pretty high.  Also there was a gang shootout (nobody died, so it’s all cool) a couple of streets over from my apartment.  But then I was all like, no – that’s not gun fire (I have shot a gun before, so I totally know…kind of), that sounds more like fireworks.  But then when I looked out my window, I couldn’t see any fireworks!  So I would lay back down and then pop pop pop!  Jump back to the window – nothing.   Lay back down – POP!  It went on like this for a few minutes.  I never saw anything, but I swear to you – there were fireworks!  

Then I promptly fell asleep and forgot about the whole fireworks incident.  Then this morning I was laying in bed (it’s thunderstorming – don’t judge me), reading my fave Nashville blog, Nashvillest, and what do I see?  A story about how John Rich (of Big & Rich, or as I like to think of them – the save a horse, ride a cowboy guys – I only know one of their songs) pissed off all his neighbors by throwing a party with helicopters and fireworks.  FIREWORKS!  I wasn’t hallucinating guys!  I almost lived a few houses away from John Rich, but that apartment got snapped up before I could even see it – the pictures looked super nice and the price was super good!  Now I understand a little better why such a nice apartment would be so reasonable – John Rich.  Turns out he’s quite the nuisance.  His neighbors hate him with an absolute passion.  I live a mile away from his house and his fireworks bothered me – I can only imagine how pissed his next door neighbors were.  

I think it’s pretty hilarious that out of all places he chose to live, John Rich chose the place he did.  He build this 73 foot modern looking mansion thingy in this super cute, average sized house neighborhood.  It’s kind of like if someone built a 73 foot mansion next to my parent’s house back in Iowa.  It looks way out of place and is an eye sore (it is actually kind of ugly – plus, all the times I’ve been past it, I have never seen a pool.  What kind of country music star doesn’t own a pool?  It’s just wrong).

But anyways, I read the article, and he wasn’t actually throwing a party – he was shooting a video.  I don’t know if helicopters were really involved.  I don’t doubt the fireworks, but the helicopters could easily be explained away by the fact that we all live next to the hospital.  And there are helicopters flying around here all the time.  Plus, is it just me, or does it sound really not smart to have helicopters flying in the vicinity of fireworks at the same time, on purpose?  

So that’s the latest in Lindsay’s brushes with fame in Nashville.  I’ve only had “3”.  First one was … what’s his face?  Keith Urban?  or Toby Keith?  The one that’s married to Nicole Kidman I think – whoever that one is.  Amber told me that we saw him at Panera in Green Hills.  I’m not sure it counts if I don’t know who someone is.  The second one was totally legit though – Ben Folds (SCREAM!) was totally eating at the table behind me at my favorite Thai restaurant.  I didn’t see him come in, and I really wish I had, because I remember talking to husband about how he really needs to leave the toilet seat down at night because I was afraid of falling in (because I don’t turn on lights and I kind of sleepwalk to the toilet).  So Ben Folds knows of my fear of falling in the toilet at night.  And now brush 3 was being alarmed at John Rich’s fireworks.  I’m totally not even counting the time that Miley Cyrus was in the children’s hospital (which is right across the street from my work building), and the time that Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift ate at the pancake pantry while I was a half mile away (again working.  Do you see a theme here?  Working is holding me back from meeting all these stars).  So really I could have like 4 shaky brushes with one legit brush.  

I look forward to sharing more Nashville Brushes with Fame with you in the near future.  I’ve really got to brush up on my country music stars – I bet they’re all around me and I just don’t even realize it!

<3, lindsay

Save a dinosaur, ride a caveman.

Lindsay Eats Some Wax

Guys, I ate wax today.

I wanted cheese really bad today after I woke up from my post church nap.  So I walked myself over to the grocery store (my new apartment is about a block and a half away from Harris Teeter – it’s pretty awesome) and bought some cheese.  You know those round individually wrapped cheeses?  Guess what.  There are TWO layers before the cheese.

Pictured: Innocent cheese or EVIL?

 

So now you know.  And if you ever go buy this kind of cheese and accidentally eat the wax, I cannot be blamed.  

This whole experience reminded me of candy that I used to eat as a child.  Does anybody remember those wax bottles filled with delicious colored juice/water stuff?

You totally know you're going to have to bite the wax, so you're prepared.

 

That’s kind of like what today was for me.  Except instead of finding deliciousness, I found cheese that kind of mixed with the wax and made everything stick to my teeth.  

Speaking of wax and teeth, that also reminds me of my childhood.  My cousin had braces as we were growing up, so I desperately wanted braces too.  So after we would get all the juice out of the wax bottles, I would save my bottles and then chew them up for a long time and then stick it all over my teeth.  I also remember taking paperclips and unwinding them and then sticking it in my mouth like I had a retainer.  Now that I think about it, this is probably one of the reasons my teeth suck so much now.  I really tried my hardest as a child to destroy them.  I even managed to get a nice chip in my two upper front teeth by faceplanting on a metal slide (my cousins and I had created a waterslide by sticking a hose at the top of their swingset slide and placing the wading pool underneath.  All of my cousins kept going up the slide and so of course I had to prove that I was cool enough too.  And of course I slipped – that will happen with wet metal.  I still have the chip, although it’s not as bad as I originally made it because the dentist tried to fill it in as best he could).  

So that’s all I really have for today.  Hopefully I’ll start having better posts – maybe when I get the internet at my apartment and I can start posting from there.  Although I have to say it’s not that bad since I can just walk two blocks down to Fido.  

To help you all visualize kind of where I live, I provide for you a music video by Kellie Pickler (and featuring Taylor Swift!).

So this video was shot partly on 21st Avenue (I live on 21st!).  If you watch the video, you will see shots as 1:21, 2:14, 2:24, and then 2:40.  I’m not sure about 1:21 though.  I think that’s the front of a wedding dress shop they’re walking in front of because of the yellow.  And I’m sitting across from Pangaea as I type this.  So think about 2 blocks in the other way.  Oh yeah, and that church is totally not across the street from Pangaea.  I’ll take my own pictures later.  

<3, lindsay

Just because.

Ashton Kutcher is probably my cousin. He’s from Iowa, so how could he not be?

I bet you all thought I wasn’t going to post today.  WELL I AM!  So there!  The joke is on YOU!  I didn’t bring my laptop into work with me today, so I had to wait until I got home to write a post.

So recently I ran into a guy that I went to school with (elementary through high school).  I wouldn’t consider it a big deal if we were still in Iowa.  I would expect to run into my classmates if I were in Iowa.  But not in Nashville.  And not specifically at my neighborhood Bed, Bath & Beyond.  But I did.  And we ended up chatting for about 30 minutes about Big Ten Expansion (I could talk your ear off for hours about what I thought about expansion if you let me – to sum it up: SUCK IT NOTRE DAME!).  It was really nice and I learned that there were two other people that we graduated from high school with that are living down here!  What!?  

Why I mention this is not to relate the story of how I walked around BB&B exclaiming to Amber on the phone about how they didn’t have Britta pitchers (They do.  Very obviously displayed even.  I am just a moron).  No, I mention this because it totally ruins my argument to non-Iowans who always ask me if I know so and so from Iowa.  

When I lived in California for 4 months I was constantly being asked if I knew Ashton Kutcher.  It got to the point where I wanted to scream in frustration.  Granted I was being asked this question mostly by people from different countries who have no idea where Iowa is, but still.  There were some people who were not foreign and therefore have no excuse.  The reasoning behind asking me if I knew A+K was that he was from Iowa and so was I, so we must know each, right?  Because Iowa is just that small I guess.  

Iowa fits on a regular sized couch. WE COULD BE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM RIGHT NOW!

Fun fact: My mother in law and father in law went to high school with Ashton Kutcher’s mom.  We were looking through their high school yearbooks one night and they came upon her picture.  “Oh yeah, she married that one guy and then they had that idiot.  He’s not funny.  I don’t know why they keep putting him in those camera commercials.”  That’s what my father in law said.  I kept quiet because I actually really like Ashton Kutcher.  Or at least I will always love Michael Kelso.  I also love punk’d.  That show was genius.  Although my in-laws do have a point about the camera commercials.  They’re not funny and they make me feel slightly uncomfortable for some reason.  Maybe because I would never dare to steal a stranger’s camera and take a bunch of pictures on it?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just failing to see the humorous side of the commercial.

So next time someone asks me if I know Ashton Kutcher, I’m just going to say yes and make up outrageous lies about how we used to tip cows, play baseball, break dance, and compete in beauty pageants together.  All at the same time.

<3, lindsay

P.S.

But absolutely no Illinois or Nebraska. You guys are lame. *Exception = Jill. She can come.

Lots of Sports. And me being a lion car.

Howdy y’all (because I said y’all, you should automatically now know that this is Lindsay.  Because I live in the South.)!

I must first start this post off by commending the Iowa Hawkeyes Wrestling team for winning their 3rd straight NCAA championship.  The tournament is not even over as I write this and already there is no way that any other team can catch us.  I guess that’s what happens when you have a Hawkeye in 5 out of the 10 finals.  Good job guys!  

I don't know what year this is. But they are Champs regardless!

 

Now that I’ve congratulated our guys, I have to say.  Wrestling = the most confusing macho sport ever.  Macho because it’s all about strength and dominating your opponent.  Confusing because…. Well, have you ever watched wrestling?  Think about it.  You’ve got all these guys in these tiny spandex suits that cling to their bodies and show pretty much EVERYTHING.  Then they grab each other all over the place.  I have seen so many butt grabs and inner thigh grabs in the past few days that I can’t help feeling slightly uncomfortable for the guys.  Their junk is getting grabbed on ESPN.  I don’t care WHAT I’m doing, I don’t ever want someone to grab my boob and have it televised.  Even an accidental grab.  Just sayin’.

You can't deny that it makes people feel weird.

 

Besides wrestling, there’s also been a little thing called March Madness that’s been going on.  Perhaps you’ve heard of it?  Unfortunately, the Iowa men’s basketball team is not in the tournament.  Actually, did you know that Iowa fired Coach Lickliter?  Did you know that typing Lickliter makes me giggle?  Because it does.  But back to the tournament.  I filled out a bracket haphazardly a couple of days ago and didn’t pay attention to who I picked for certain games.  Now I am really wanting to know who I picked to win in the Northern Iowa vs. Kansas game.  I hope Northern Iowa, because they totally just won!  I’m pretty sure only Northern Iowa fans must have had them winning that game, because Kansas was the overall Number 1 seed in the ENTIRE tournament.  So good job Panthers!  I will always root for an Iowa team that’s not named Iowa State.  

I found this on the first page of google image searching for Iowa State Sucks.
I don’t understand it, but I like it.

Sticking to March Madness, I am currently watching the Iowa women’s basketball team.  They’re winning by four against Rutgers.  I am actually a little ticked off right now, not because of anything Iowa or Rutgers is doing, but because of ESPN2.  I am pretty blind, so when they shrink the action screen, it is really hard for me to see what’s going on.  About 1/4 the screen is taken up by scores.  Well, actually more than 1/4, but i was talking about the vertical strip where they are broadcasting all the scores from other games (including the men’s tournament).  Can’t they just show the scores on the bottom only?  Along with the scores on the bottom and the scores on the vertical strip, there is also another score board thingy that keeps popping up near the top of the screen.  Why?  Does ESPN2 think that the only reason I’m watching their channel is to see the scores of other games?  Oh, but commercials are given the full screen (minus the bottom score bar that is always there).  I am seriously cheesed off.  

I can't see the score! ESPN2 you better watch out, because I'm a vampire and I am COMING FOR YOU.

 

In other “news” (I say this with quotation marks around it because it’s not really news) not related to sports, the other day I came to the conclusion that I must seem like a freak to a lot of people in my workplace.  And when I say workplace, I mainly mean people on my floor that are not in my lab.  So those people who see me 5 days a week and have never talked to me, but could probably pick me out of a line up (not a criminal line up, but a crazy line up).  Line up or lineup?  I am not sure.  Wordpress recognizes both as legit (but will not recognize wordpress.  Strange, I know).  

So anyways, the other day I was walking down the hall with one of the graduate students.  We walked past another graduate student from another lab and he said hello to my grad kid (what I like to call the graduate students in my lab).  When I was sure that this other graduate student had made it to the bathroom and closed the door, I remarked to my grad kid how cute the other graduate student was – mainly I really liked his hair.  (*Important note: in no way must you think that I was scoping out this guy.  I am happily married and only pay attention to guys’ hair.  Don’t judge me.  I just really like good hair.  

Several things about this picture are great, but I would marry the hair alone (IF I WERE SINGLE - I wouldn't divorce for hair reasons).

 

My grad kid then said she would introduce me next time we saw him.  Immediately I made her promise that she would not introduce us, or even tell him my name.

Here is where the crazy comes into the story.  I frequently like to skip and spin and twirl down the hallways.  I also tend to get cold in the lab, so I am usually dressed in jeans and a blue coat.  So almost everyday you could describe my outfit as jeans and that blue coat.  Add to this that I’ve inherited my mother’s tendency to make car noises when turning corners, etc.  Seriously, I will be walking down the hall, and randomly I will decide it is a good idea to put my hands on an invisible steering wheel and say vroom vroom!  Also, I will beep at people when I pass them, and make a backup noise when I walk backwards.  I will also make screeching noises when turning corners.  I swear – there is something wrong in my brain.  I also growl for no reason every now and then.  

It makes sense when you consider that I have a lion (Adan) as my daemon.

 

And then there’s my hair.  My bangs are at a weird place right now.  They’ve been in this place since probably January.  I really need to go get them trimmed, but I’m too lazy to go to a hairdresser.  Also, I’m too scared that I will make myself look even more like a huge dork if I try to trim them myself.  So to remedy the problem of having my bangs in my face, I will tie them up in a pony tail or try to bobbypin them back.  And let me tell you.  My bangs will stay out of my face, but they get all pouty and decide that if they can’t hang out with my forehead, they won’t hang out with the rest of my hair either.  So they stick out all weird.  So unless I do my hair in the morning before I go to work, I have bangs sticking up all weird everywhere.  I have to be to work at 9:00 in the morning.  I usually get up at 8:00.  We usually try to leave no later than 8:40 (because we have a 20 minute commute), and I move incredibly slowly.  Ideally I would get up at 6:00 and slowly get ready by 8:30ish.  But this rarely happens and often I am drying my hair in the warm air of the car heater.

So you see my predicament now.  I dress pretty much the same everyday.  And speaking of dressing the same, blue jeans and blue coat – I am pretty much dressed like a blueberry everyday.  My bangs look like I selectively stuck them in an outlet.  I make beep beep, vroom vroom, screeeeeeeeech noises in the hallway as I skip, spin, twirl and walk down the hallway.  And more importantly, in addition to doing all of this in front of the cute graduate student (c.g.s.) from the other lab, I have run into the wall numerous times (in front of c.g.s.), and I have fallen down at least twice (also in front of c.g.s.).  There was a third time I fell down in front of him, but I’m not 100% positive that he saw me, so I will err on the side of not being humiliated and say that he didn’t see it.  I admit though, I am somewhat impressed with my ability to fall down for pretty much no reason.  All the times I have fallen down at work have been because I dropped something, and when I went down to retrieve that thing, my glasses slipped off my face, and I used both my hands to grab them, thereby causing myself to tip forward and not have my hands to catch myself.  I really should file for workman’s comp or something.  Because they should really have someone following me around or something.  

Yay me!

 

So that’s all from Nashville for right now.  I promise that once I take a shower and remember, I’ll take a picture of me with my sonic screwdriver (it’s pretty epic).  Also, I’m moving (again)!  So that should provide for some entertaining stories.  Maybe I will meet my neighbors while moving in, and we will become BFFs and then because one of my neighbors (downstairs) is the American Idol Season Three (or Two…?  I think it’s three though – cause Clay Aiken was two…..right???  Yes, I remember because Kelly Clarkson was One, and Clay was after her) runnner up, we will go meet Paula Abdul, and we will all dance around with cartoon cats (the cats cannot be real, because it turns out I am ALLERGIC to real cats).

I imagine it will look pretty much exactly like this, but with more cats and less
stairs.

 

<3, ngtlindsay

Why Haven’t I Seen Any (Or Possibly More) Celebrities Yet?

Living in Nashville instead of Iowa has its perks.  First off – the winter weather is no where near as harsh in Nashville as it is back up in Iowa…I don’t think it’s snowed yet (and it probably won’t – it was 56 degrees today).  Second – the public library is gorgeous, but there’s not just one public library – there’s like 20 of them!  So many books!  Third – I live super close to 2 super fun coffee shops that I like to go to.  Fourth – I live about 10 minutes away from a mall that contains all the stores I used to have to drive 3 hours (either west to Des Moines or east to Chicago) to get to. 

Those are some pretty awesome perks, however I feel that they are empty.  This is because I have not yet (or possibly I have, but I just didn’t know it) seen any celebrities.  Nashville is the country music capital (capitol?) of the world!  Taylor Swift, how come I haven’t seen you yet???  You claim that you go to the grocery store in your sweat pants, but I can’t verify this.  When Amber and Jill came down for the librarian conference, we went to the Panera in the Green Hills mall, and Amber thinks that we saw Keith Urban (apparently he is also short…Carol (from another lab at Vandy, and whom I have never met before) say so)…so that is where the whole maybe I have seen a celebrity thingn comes in.  I learned that we really may have seen him, because apparently his wife, Nicole Kidman, “hangs out” at the Green Hills mall.  Again, I cannot verify this because I have never seen her there.  I would definitely know if I had seen Nicole Kidman because she’s so tall and there is no way I could miss that! 

I don’t think it’s very fair that I’ve never seen her at the mall, because I go to the Green Hills mall almost once a week (we need to go back soon, to visit the mac store…my stupid iPod shuffle docking station won’t work anymore and I am PISSED). 

What brought this whole, why haven’t I seen any celebrities yet thing on you ask?  The other day I was reading my “myVU” email (I don’t know why, I usually just automatically delete it because hey, I really don’t care about Vanderbilt b/c I personally think every college is inferior to Iowa…but I may be biased) and I learned that Miley Cyrus had presented a donation to the children’s hospital on December 23. 

This is so unfair.  I walk through the children’s hospital every weekday morning to get a Mocha Joe (mmmm, Mocha Joe!) from Suzy’s, and when Miley Cyrus comes to visit, I am back in sticking Iowa.  Seriously, Miley Cyrus was less than half a mile away from my apartment and I was 600 miles away at the time.  Not cool.  Seriously not cool.

And speaking of more celebrities I would like to see, where is Ben Folds?  He lives in Nashville, his production studio is on Music Row (I’ve seen music row once because I took a wrong turn, and I have never been able to find my way back to it again), and I’m pretty sure he’s not on tour right now (I didn’t check though…maybe he is still on tour).  So why haven’t I seen him? 

And don’t say that they don’t go out to eat where I go out to eat, because I totally know they do.  I got my oil changed not to long ago and the only paper they had in the waiting area contained a star sighting section and they totally eat at the same indian restaurant as I do.  So whatever.  Also, I’m ticked off b/c I just learned yesterday that the Jonas Bros. played a concert in Nashville, and yet I didn’t even realize they were in town.  No, I probably wouldn’t have tried to go to the concert, but yes I would have tried to go take a picture of their tour bus.  Whatever.

Oh well, at least I know I’m going to get to meet one celebrity for sure.  Meg Cabot!!  Well, I’m not quite sure if she is exactly a celebrity, but she is to me and I start to hyperventilate whenever I think about the fact that I’m going to get to meet her in February at the Children’s Literature Breakfast at Anderson’s Bookshop in Naperville!!!!!!!!  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

She is so cute!!!

Speaking of Meg Cabot, did you read Princess Diaries 10, Forever Princess???  If you haven’t, go read it now!!  If you haven’t read the series, start it now!!  These are big words, but they’re so true – Harry Potter is no longer my favorite all time series.  Princess Diaries is!  When I was reading the last book, I had to force myself not to flip to the end of the book just to make sure it turned out the way I thought it was going to turn out.  The entire book was just masterful.  Everything that happened, I was like, OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!  Did he just do that????  Did he just say that????  OMG what a jerk!!!  Aaaaah, how sweet!!!  I think the last hour I read I was bouncing up and down on the couch.  My husband probably thought I was a lunatic (actually probably not b/c he knew what he was getting into when he married me).

Anyways, that’s all for now.  I had to write a lot since I haven’t posted anything for a while (the holidays, not having internet in the evening, and being scared to post anything at work really puts a damper on your posting). 

luv,

lindsayF