Crimes of the Day

Howdy for the 3rd straight day!  I am really gearing up for BEDA!  

I don’t want to unload all of my complaints upon you dear readers and fellow nerdgirls.  But there are some things that I have been witness to today that I just cannot let go unmentioned.

Crime of the Day (CotD) #1: There is some random man back in the YA section of Borders right now.  This is not a crime in itself.  No.  The crime is that he is sitting in my favorite spot (behind the YA sci fi/mystery book island), and not only is he in my spot, I thought he was talking to me.  And when I replied to him confusedly, I realized that he was actually talking into one of those spy phones that sit in one’s ear.  Hand free fangled phones I believe they are called.  So really it is two crimes.  One he is in MY spot.  Two, he made me feel stupid.

Person: Hey, what's up? Me: Um....nothing. Person: *looks all weird at me* Me: Uhhhhhhhhh....*slurks off into manga section*

 

CotD #2: So now I am relegated to the aisle made up on one side of manga and one side of cooking books.  I am game for two kinds of people.  Well, three actually – a) The kind that just like manga, b) The kind that just like cooking, c) The kind that like BOTH manga and cooking.  If any people from group c come, I think I might be in trouble.  The crime here is that the person sitting in the next aisle is eating.  I am a strong believer that food should stay in the cafe part of Borders.  Drinks I am cool with, but don’t be bringing food upstairs.  I can hear the clinking of a fork against a plate, and it makes me shiver unpleasantly.  If you know me well, you know that I am super irritable about food related things.  I don’t know how I make it through dinners with other people.  I’m not even sure how I made it through enough dates that included dinner to even get married.  I’m pretty sure my husband either has a powerfully selective memory where he blocked that part of me out or a strong case of insanity.  OMFG, I just peeked behind the bookshelf into the next aisle.  Food guy has taken off his shoes.  What the hell is wrong with you person in the next aisle???  First you break the no eating outside of the cafe area, then you take off your shoes?  If I were the manager here, I would kick you out.  It’s called no shirt, no shoes, no service.  Now GIT!

CotD #3: I can’t take my coat off.  Well, I am physically capable of taking it off, but I am polite in wanting to shield everyone from my enormous sweat spots.  See, I just walked over to Borders from my new apartment (I went to go check out the carpet situation.  They had to tear it out because the last tenant had a cat, and if you did not catch it in my last post, I’m allergic to kitties!).  That’s like 1.5 miles.  Plus I already walked like the .75 miles from work to the new apartment.  If my math is correct, and I wouldn’t argue with my math because I’m an engineer, that’s about 7 billion miles.  Half of my shirt is soaked in sweat because I also drank about 50 kajillion bottles of water before I left work.  So I am hot and cranky and sweaty, but I am too polite and/or too self conscious to take off my coat.

See how freaking polite I am? I would probably die from heat stroke than expose my glandular problem. That's how polite.

 

CotD #4: I stopped at Fido to get something to drink so that I could break a $20 bill and then go get my bangs trimmed professionally (I think they do it for free, but even so, I should probably give them something for putting up with my electric head).  While I was at Fido I saw a girl wearing white jeans.  This is hard for me to say is a crime.  But really, white jeans are almost ALWAYS a crime.  It’s just a fact of life.  It’s not like I want it to be a crime or anything.  In fact, I daydream that I am wearing white jeans and looking super fresh.  In these daydreams, I am usually on a sailboat and the wind is caressing my non-electric hair that is perfectly smooth, and nothing smells like fish.  However, I can be a realist.  I realize that white jeans just aren’t for everyone.  They’re more for like about 0.1% of the population.  I can only imagine how hard it is to keep those jeans clean during the day.  What if you sat in something?  In regular blue jeans, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.  In white jeans.  That’s a target on your ass for the rest of the day.  Unless you wash it off, and if you do that, then most likely we’ll all be able to see your panties through your wet white jeans.

No. Just no.

 

CotD #5: Shiny, perfect hair.  I understand that this is something most girls strive for.  However, some of us just don’t have the time to properly wash and dry our hair.  Then I imagine there’s a fair amount of product and or straight ironing, etc. involved in the process.  To all you girls who are achieving this: a) good job, would you like to do my hair everyday for free? and b) STOP MAKING THE REST OF US LOOK SO GODAMM BAD!  I mean it.  How do you think I feel when I stand next to you in line for coffee?  I’ll tell you.  Not good.  I was feeling pretty awesome for getting my hair into a ponytail with no bumps, and then you had to go and crap all over my self esteem.  Nice.

Jerk.

 

CotD #6: This one is my crime that I committing this very second.  I am feeling way pretentious right now because I am totally listening to Sufjan Stevens and thinking to all the other patrons of Borders: I bet none of you are listening to somebody as awesome as I am.  I bet my music taste is way more sophisticated than yours.  I need to take myself down a peg or two here.  I must remind myself that I am still obsessed with the Spice Girls, and listened to Telephone by Lady Gage and Beyonce about 10 times earlier today.  So there self.  Take that.  You are not as cool and sophisticated as you are pretending to be.  Not that anybody here even knows what you’re listening to anyway…….

What a douche, right? Does anybody really need 2 bowler hats? No. They don't. Douche.

 

<3, lindsay

P.S.  Did you like how I made myself a pirate with super bright red lips?  I do however, have that sweet curly mustache and soul patch in real life.

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8 Responses to “Crimes of the Day”


  1. 1 jobonga March 22, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Oh this made me laugh. I wish it was April already, when you are blogging every day and Season 3 of Buffy is up on Hulu.

  2. 2 ngtlindsay March 22, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Hurrah! I am just going to try and blog all the time now and keep going all the way through April! Would you care to do BEDA also Miss Jobonga? God I love saying JOBONGA!

  3. 3 Diana March 22, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    You are one funny lady, and I’ve enjoyed reading your recent entries.

  4. 4 Abby March 22, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    Re: shiny hair

    OMG. I hate people with shiny, perfect hair*. My hair is neither shiny, nor perfect. And most of the time it’s a mess. And I, too, am doing good just to have a ponytail with no bumps.

    *Okay, obviously I don’t HATE all people with shiny, perfect hair. But I am jealous of them.

  5. 5 ngtlindsay March 22, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    @Diana Why thank you! I will strive to keep it fun for BEDA and beyond!

    @Abby I KNOW RIGHT!! WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE???

  6. 6 jobonga March 22, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    I’ll shoot for two posts a week. I don’t want to let us all down. I shall aim low.

  7. 7 Amber March 29, 2010 at 9:13 am

    Sooo I was going to take Lester for a walk this morning before work, but then I thought “hey I haven’t checked NGT since Lindsay threw the gauntlet because I am so scared that I picked it up and am v anxious for April” and WHAAAATTT Lindsay started BEDA early?! There are like a gazillon million posts here! Sorry, Lester, but I’m going to sit here and LAUGH (ow as soon as I said LAUGH I got a major pain in my side. apparently I laughed too uppercase…) until I cry in shame that I haven’t posted anything yet.

    ::clutching sparkly gauntlet::You, nerdgirls, are ridiculously fanTASTIC opponents and I shall not underestimate you! Off to the nerd cave for reflection!


  1. 1 An Expansion on Crime of the Day (CotD) #1 « NerdGirlBlogging Trackback on March 23, 2010 at 9:19 am

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