Ashton Kutcher is probably my cousin. He’s from Iowa, so how could he not be?

I bet you all thought I wasn’t going to post today.  WELL I AM!  So there!  The joke is on YOU!  I didn’t bring my laptop into work with me today, so I had to wait until I got home to write a post.

So recently I ran into a guy that I went to school with (elementary through high school).  I wouldn’t consider it a big deal if we were still in Iowa.  I would expect to run into my classmates if I were in Iowa.  But not in Nashville.  And not specifically at my neighborhood Bed, Bath & Beyond.  But I did.  And we ended up chatting for about 30 minutes about Big Ten Expansion (I could talk your ear off for hours about what I thought about expansion if you let me – to sum it up: SUCK IT NOTRE DAME!).  It was really nice and I learned that there were two other people that we graduated from high school with that are living down here!  What!?  

Why I mention this is not to relate the story of how I walked around BB&B exclaiming to Amber on the phone about how they didn’t have Britta pitchers (They do.  Very obviously displayed even.  I am just a moron).  No, I mention this because it totally ruins my argument to non-Iowans who always ask me if I know so and so from Iowa.  

When I lived in California for 4 months I was constantly being asked if I knew Ashton Kutcher.  It got to the point where I wanted to scream in frustration.  Granted I was being asked this question mostly by people from different countries who have no idea where Iowa is, but still.  There were some people who were not foreign and therefore have no excuse.  The reasoning behind asking me if I knew A+K was that he was from Iowa and so was I, so we must know each, right?  Because Iowa is just that small I guess.  

Iowa fits on a regular sized couch. WE COULD BE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM RIGHT NOW!

Fun fact: My mother in law and father in law went to high school with Ashton Kutcher’s mom.  We were looking through their high school yearbooks one night and they came upon her picture.  “Oh yeah, she married that one guy and then they had that idiot.  He’s not funny.  I don’t know why they keep putting him in those camera commercials.”  That’s what my father in law said.  I kept quiet because I actually really like Ashton Kutcher.  Or at least I will always love Michael Kelso.  I also love punk’d.  That show was genius.  Although my in-laws do have a point about the camera commercials.  They’re not funny and they make me feel slightly uncomfortable for some reason.  Maybe because I would never dare to steal a stranger’s camera and take a bunch of pictures on it?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just failing to see the humorous side of the commercial.

So next time someone asks me if I know Ashton Kutcher, I’m just going to say yes and make up outrageous lies about how we used to tip cows, play baseball, break dance, and compete in beauty pageants together.  All at the same time.

<3, lindsay

P.S.

But absolutely no Illinois or Nebraska. You guys are lame. *Exception = Jill. She can come.

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4 Responses to “Ashton Kutcher is probably my cousin. He’s from Iowa, so how could he not be?”


  1. 1 ngtjill March 24, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    Yay! I’m the only part about Illinois that you like! Sometimes I think of myself as Iowan because the part of Illinois I’m currently in is WAY unlike the Illinois I grew up in. The part of Illinois I grew up in is actually a lot like Iowa, which is probably why Iowa always felt like home when I lived there.

    I think that was a long way to say “Iowa = Awesome!”

    And you should definitely tell people you know Ashton! Do you guys also meet every year (if he’s not too busy) in front of the butter cow at the Iowa State Fair?

  2. 2 ngtjennifer March 24, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    This reminds me of a story: My aunt and cousin were in Mexico….not at a resorty town, but actually in MEXICO and they saw a girl with a Simpson College sweatshirt on. They sidled on over to her and casually asked if she knew me, and SHE DID!!!! It is a very very small world, so of course you know Ashton!! Just like I know Elijah Wood, Dule Hill, and Captain Kirk.

  3. 3 ngtlindsay March 24, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    Jill, I totally consider you an Iowan, that is just how cool you are.
    Jen, we’re freaking EVERYWHERE!!

  4. 4 Amber March 29, 2010 at 8:51 am

    I think I’m going to print out the Iowa-on-a-couch picture and put it up in my office…


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